


Ball is Death

by Darling27



Category: Haikyuu!!, Helluva Boss (Web Series)
Genre: #RingofEnvy, #RingofPride, Action, F/M, Haikyu - Freeform, Helluva Boss - Freeform, M/M, Some Humor, Volleyball
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-17 07:20:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29467887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darling27/pseuds/Darling27
Summary: At First Hinata was nervous to play in the professional volleyball tournament, but that feeling was nothing compared to being trapped in Hell with no other choice than to play the Underworld's version of Volleyball. Will he and his team be able to beat the Immediate Murder Professionals and get back home?
Relationships: Blitzo & Stolas Goetia, Millie/Moxxie (Helluva Boss)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	1. Ball is Death

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, so unlike some of my other crossover stories this one will be a multiple part story, also this will be my first Haikyuu story ever so I'm really sorry if i get some of the character personalities wrong at first, but I will try to develop them better in future chapters.
> 
> There will be swearing, and Graphic violence.

The sun rose on a beautiful day shining on the dew-covered grass which deflected an awesome ray of light into Hinata's bedroom, illuminating it in a yellowish glow. Then the alarm clock sounded Hinata sat upright eyes still closed and crusted over from the night, he wiped them with some difficulty. 

He had not been sleeping lately, how could he when the big match was coming up, Karasuno Vs Seijou, also he had gotten up several times that very night to use the restroom. This team was widely considered to be the toughest there was, and Hinata would be lying if he said that thinking about this match didn't give him a stomach ache that shook him to his very core.

"Bathroom, bathroom I gots to peeeee," He sang weakly for what must've been the thirtieth time that morning. He looked out the window on the way to the bathroom and gazed out at the beautiful morning putting him at ease for only a moment or two before heading straight to the bathroom. 

In a different part of the training camp building, Suguru Daishō was walking outside his face upturned in a creepy, almost forced smile. He looked around to make sure no one was snooping and pulled two bushes apart to reveal a large cobra-like snake. "Hello, Century," Daishō said stroking the Snakes hood. "May I tell you my grievances?"

Century nodded its head and turned its attention to Daishō. "Hinata and the Karasuno High team is going to play the greatest team in Japan, I am so angry our team didn't make the finals and the small fry that is Hinata, of all people will be front and center. That glory should belong to the Nohebi academy." 

Daishō noticed himself breathing heavily and took a minute to compose himself before speaking. "I just needed a few minutes to rant but if I didn't have a certain respect for the so-called "Great giant" then I would wish on them something would prevent them from playing this Saturday," Daishō said while walking away.

When Daishō had gone Century turned a large smile and floated into the sky "May the Eldritch gods curse the Karasuno High School Volley Ball Team that Suguru Daishō may play in their place with whichever team he may choose." The serpent cursed the team that the next time that at least five of them meet that a terrible yet unlikely anomaly would happen.

Hinata left his room and began walking down the hall to meet up with everyone for the last practice. He reached near the end of the hallway and found Kei Tsukishima, Daichi Sawamura, Asahi Azumane, Tadashi Yamaguchi, and Tobio Kageyama all talking together about their best strategy.

"Their team is nearly always doing an offensive play." Kageyama began "Their stuff block is honestly intense." Azumane chimed in "I'm starting to think we should just forfeit, the prospect of this match is starting to affect Hinatas health." Yamaguchi added. Hinata cleared his throat and everyone turned their attention to him. 

"No one quits, especially you Asahi," Hinata said with relative firmness. Azumane backed up with his hands in the air "I didn't say anything about quitting." "The only ones that stay on the court are the best Tadashi, I've said that many times don't you ever forget it." Yamaguchi looked offended "Legitimately caring for your teammates well being doesn't make me any worse than you at volleyball Kageyama." 

Hinata stepped forward "Remember everyone when we feel like we want to quit that's the best time to take a step forward." Everyone nodded at this. Hinata looked as though he was going to speak again but instead he passed out. Everyone was shocked "I told you guys he wasn't feeling right, call the nurse." Yamaguchi said before fainting as well.

Everyone followed suit, and a few minutes later Hinata stood up causing a layer of ash to fall off of him he looked around dazed, and saw several lumps in the ash-covered ground around him which also stood up revealing themselves to be his team "What happened?" Tsukishima said groggily.

Hinata looked upwards at the surrounding area. It seemed to be a giant cavern chamber as big as a mountain valley with pillars of smoke and fire all around with very few buildings, and they appeared to be standing on a dark volleyball field. "Oh shiiiiit!" Said a very loud voice behind them. "Huh?" Everyone said at the same time. 

"You messed up my score you assho_," A strange red figure said until he saw them "Holy shit! Moxxie, get over here." The figure said pointing over at a car. "not now sir, or have you forgotten that we need the car to be working to get to the terminal? Which is the only way back to Pride." Another similar looking figure named Moxxie said.

"Are those living humans? Here in Hell?" Another figure said. "Millie? Did you just say human?... Oh, Crumbs." Moxxie said. "Blitzo please tell me the fucking car is fixed. And when the hell is practice over, I'm sick of getting the bench, a cramp is not a good reason to put me out!" A large dog-like creature said stepping out of the car. "Loona, look humans!!" the figure named Blitzo said

"Holy shit!!! Did you guys bring those here?" Loona asked. "No, and I think it would be best to take care of this now," Moxxie said nervously. "Now now Mox, on the one hand, I could use the target practice for work tomorrow, on the other hand, we could tie up these filthy flesh bags and make 'em watch us play some Black-Ball," Blitzo said excitedly.

"Who are you calling flesh bags?" Yamaguchi asked angrily. "And more importantly what's Black-Ball?" Kageyama parroted calmly. Hinata was still in shock of having no idea where they were or what these creatures were. "I think you're all missing the point here, What is this place? What are you? and who are they?!!!" Hinata asked pointing to some bleachers where a small handful of horrifying creatures were sitting down holding up signs that read I.M.P. 

"Oh yeah, I forgot all humans are fucking retarded." Blitzo said, " First off, We're the Immediate Murder Professionals, Those are some Demons that like to watch us play this game, and this is the ring of envy I.E. center of Hell." Blitzo said before jumping on Hinata tying him up and throwing him on a chair.

"Come on Mills tie the rest of them up, Moxxie fix the car, and get in jersey, Loona ice that ankle and get out there, we gotta finish practice so we can get home to rest up for work Mm k? Mm, k." Blitzo finished. When everybody had been bound and put in seats and the car fixed the Demons started running around the dark-colored court in a manner very reminiscent of Volleyball.

"Hey, Demons!!" Kageyama shouted. "What do you want now?" Blitzo asked annoyed "You said you were going to be playing a sport called Black-Ball, this just looks like an awkward version of Volleyball." Kageyama said. "Very close actually, a lot more than you think, the earliest humans based the sport of Volleyball on Black-Ball," Blitzo said proudly.

"So how do you play?" Hinata asked being very interested in the origins of Volleyball. "Well, first of all, humans always over complicate things, six players? Pffft in Black-Ball you only need five, and one team just needs to score two points to win, humans even renamed the position of Stabber to Spiker. I mean come on." 

"You only have four players," Tsukishima said. "He knows," Moxxie said in the background "He believes that he'll be able to convince a Demon named Stolas to join when he comes down to drop off the portal back to the human world... Oh crumbs, I've said too much." 

"Damnit Moxxie, oh well it's not too big of a deal they'll be dead soon anyway," Blitzo said. "So basically it's a super basic and simple version of Volleyball that even a kindergarten child could understand," Kageyama said. This caused the I.M.P's Demon fans to erupt in laughter.

Blitzo's fists clenched and he turned around his face blazing with anger. "Now listen here you little shit, my company poured their hearts, and lack of souls into this game so shut the hell up!!! Now I'm going to go get some water to calm down before my shouting makes me sink into the Ring of Wrath!!!!!!" 

"Sweetie," Millie said putting a hand on Moxxies shoulder. "Maybe you should go talk to Blitzo, try to get him to cut practice a little short so he won't be so stressed." Moxxie sighed "I'll try to talk to him." Moxxie headed over to the cooler where they were keeping the bottles of Acid Rainwater™.

"Sir, maybe we should go meet up with Stolas so we can go home a little earlier, this whole human thing has got you too stressed, and Millie and I think it would be best to pick up where we left off tomorrow," Moxxie said. Blitzo sniffed took a quick jug of water and cleared his throat his voice breaking a little as he spoke. "Y'know that could be a good idea.... but let's cut those filthy brats heads off first." 

They walked over to where Hinata and all the rest of them were tied up. "Alright, we're gonna kill all of you," Blitzo said brandishing a knife. Hinata was horrified they were in hell, surrounded by fire, he just discovered how Volleyball was invented, and they never got to play Seijou. "Wait!!!! What if we challenged you guys to earn our right to freedom??!!" Hinata suggested.

"Challenge?" Millie asked. "Yeah what do you mean by that?" Moxxie added. "We want to challenge you to Black-Ball," Hinata said speaking like he was asking a question. Blitzo looked angry, then sad, and gradually his face changed to a smile of excitement. "Yeah, you humans were wearing those Volleyball jerseys weren't you?" Blitzo said, "Y'know what, we accept. Untie them."

"Sir?!!" Moxxie said his hands on his horns. "How is that even going to work? They don't know the additional rules, and they have had no time to practice on this kind of terrain." Moxxie said exasperated. Blitzo ignored him and reached into his pocket. "Take these fuckin' buttons that Stolas gave me, whenever a Demon tries to kill ya, these'll show 'em that you're under his protection, two days to train. Got it?"

"We'll be back here at such a time to take you, humans, to Pride where a huge spectacle of Demons will watch us imps finally be victorious," Blitzo said dreamily picturing them standing on a pedestal. "Unless we beat you," Yamaguchi said, the rest of the team nodded.

"Which is never gonna happen, because we are gonna have Stolas on our team," Moxxie said. "Ok." Hinata shrugged. "Two days," Blitzo said pointing at Hinata, "I hope for a fair and clean game on Friday," Moxxie said holding out his hand. Hinata turned to Moxxie with a look of mortification. "Did yoU say Friday? But we might miss our game against Seijou."

"Listen, kid, nobody gives a shit," Loona said pushing the imps into the car. "Oh and one more thing," Millia said throwing a black ball at Kageyama "Good luck," she said as they drove away. The Demons in the bleachers quickly dispersed. "Sawamura, what do we do?" Hinata asked. "What do you mean? We play to win." Daichi Sawamura said. "But what I think Hinata means is, where do we sleep? What do we eat? And why didn't they tell us the rules of this game?"

"It's just preschooler Volleyball, how hard can it be?" Kageyama said. "I don't know how we're gonna do... any of those things really, but I firmly believe that it's most important we all stay together at almost all times," Sawamura said. "Almost?? Why not at all times?" Azumane said in a panicky voice. "I don't wanna watch you guys pee," Sawamura said. "Alright, the game is set." Hinata said, "Let's play."

To be continued


	2. Chapter 2 Training

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Karasuno boys have got to train for the big match on Friday, but do they even know how to play the game?

The I.M.P. car had been driving for quite a while, and they finally reached the ring of Envy Terminal, and Blitzo saw Stolas standing there giving the car an excited smile. Blitzo opened the car door and stepped out to greet Stolas with a very professional face. "Blitzy!!! I'm so happy to see you, my vacation was_" Stolas began before being silenced by Blitzo's hand.

"Book first, gimme," Blitzo said with a twitching grabby hand. Stolas smiled and handed Blitzo the book. "Oh yeah, bitch!.. Alright, the ring of Wrath, right? How was it?" Blitzo asked. "Very nice, likely the best year I've gone," Stolas said "Octavia is waiting inside," Stolas said pointing to the terminal building.

Blitzo reached into his pocket pulling out his wallet and checking it. "Oh, shit!!!" Blitzo shouted. "What is it Blitzy?" Stolas parroted with a concerned look. "I don't even have enough money to pay for parking, fuck how am I gonna tell the others?" Blitzo said anxiously. "Oh dear, why don't you little imp's accompany me on the first-class plane? Stolas asked holding Blitzo's shoulders.

"Oh shit... Fine but no funny business this is a travel thing only, Ok!!??? And I need to tell you something once we're on the plane." Blitzo said. Once they were inside they were met with a surplus of chagrin from Octavia who eventually complied, as long as she wasn't chastised for complaining as much as she wanted to.

Once actually on the plane, Blitzo explained that he had to take the offer from Stolas, Moxxie seemed unsurprised and quite agitated about the whole situation, Millie noticed this and took him over in the direction of the airplane bathroom. Blitzo sat down in the seat next to Stolas to butter him up for asking him to join the Black-Ball team.

"You seem nervous Blitzy, I would suggest using the reclining settings on your seat," Stolas said, smiling. "Holy fuck!!! There's a setting for reclining your tail on this thing." Blitzo said pushing every button at his disposal. "But umm Stolas, there's something I'd like to ask you," Blitzo said nervously once again.

"Yes," Stolas said with an eyebrow raised. "Umm.. so, to get the company noticed in some of the other rings we formed a Black-Ball team, and__" Blitzo was cut off by Stolas. "Oh, my devil. Black-Ball I haven't played in so long, I believe I was a fledgling last time I was a stabber." the Goetic Demon reminisced.

"Yeah, and we're a player short, so umm if you'd like, can you join us as our fifth member?" Blitzo hesitatingly said. "Really!!! I would be honored." Stolas said. This made Blitzo sigh with relief, he was afraid that Stolas would be afraid of hurting his status by being seen with imps, the entire plane started shaking, and the captain announced major turbulence that only stopped when Moxxie and Millie came out of the bathroom.

Moxxie's bow tie was all untied, and he had a big silly grin on his face. Blitzo gave Millie a smug grin with his head shaking. The plane had almost completely left the Envy ring when Blitzo looked out the window. "Oh my Devil, it's a Giga-Demon!!!!" Blitzo yelled in his excitement. "A what?" Millie asked.

"Giant Demons, they're so cool, but every year the angels kill about twenty of them, there's only like thirty-five left in all of Hell," Blitzo explained sounding like a fanboy. "Oh What I wouldn't give to be a Giga-Demon," Blitzo said dreamily. 

Meanwhile back in the ring of Envy, Hinata had just woken up, having slept on a gross park bench-looking structure with a newspaper-like substance as a blanket. "How was the watch?" Hinata asked groggily. "Great," Kageyama said sarcastically. "Only a hundred fricking monsters tried to kill us, it was a very shitty night." Hinata looked offended. "you mean poopy." "SHIT," Kageyama responded.

"Ok, so we figured out that sleeping on this park bench is not a very good idea, but the important thing now is, of course, to practice this game," Daichi began. "Get your butt off my jersey Kageyama," Hinata whined. "Not until you apologize for correcting me," Kageyama answered. "If anybody deserves an apology it's definitely you king," Tsukishima said sarcastically.

"Don't call me that!!" Kageyama shouted. "you're standing on my foot Yama." Tsukishima said. "Sorry Tsuki," Yamaguchi said meekly. Yamaguchi then tripped over Tsukishima causing all of the boys to fall into a pile. "Ow," Tsukishima said, "You know what I need a break from this crap, come on Yama!!" Tsukishima said angrily.

"Coming Tsuki." Yamaguchi said mildly. "when you guys get back we gotta head into that town over there." Kageyama shouted at them as they left. "Wait, what do you mean?" Daichi asked narrowing his eyes. " "Well since Black-Ball is so simple I signed us up for a minor league game in the middle of this Hell town," Kageyama said like it was obvious.

"You've never played Black-Ball before you stupid moron!!!!!!!" Daichi started to shout. "Wait just a minute, calm down Daichi, for all we know Black-Ball could be as easy as Kageyama thinks it is," Hinata said trying to calm him.

Daichi took a deep breath and looked at Hinata "Yeah, you're probably right. so when is the match?" "Thirteen minutes ago," Kageyama responded. Daichi looked livid, "I'm going to kill him." They arrived at a building in the middle of a small town filled with identical crimson-hued buildings with much difficulty, as it turned out the Demons on the Envy ring of Hell had little respect for the Demon named Stolas.

So very few Demons cared when the boys held up the buttons that Blitzo gave them. "Well that's it, Game over, we're done!!!! We are going to die here!! There's no way out!!!!! The freaking buttons don't work!!!!!!!!!!" Kageyama started screaming until he was slapped by Daichi. "Shut the hell up," Daichi said.

They headed inside to see the other team limbering up for the match in a few minutes, the team consisted of five pig Demons. In the vending section of the building, there were a few Demons that looked faintly like tomatoes, two of them start walking away and one of them goes very slowly, the other Demon walked back towards the slower one and crushed him saying "Catch up!!" 

"Dear god this place is brutal," Yamaguchi said in fear. Over where some skeletal Demons were serving the Demons in line a very small Demon stepped up to a fried chicken Taco fusion counter. "Ok, I'll have an original extra crispy three-piece tender please." the small Demon said. The Demon behind the counter started laughing. "Nope *Wheeze* fresh outa tenders." The small Demon looked frustrated "Ok then a spicy chicken sandwich." The Demon behind the counter began laughing once again.

"Nope, no *giggle* chicken *wheeze* sandwiches," The counter Demon said. "It does say fried chicken, and tacos right??!!" the smaller Demon said. "It says *LaUgH* Taco *wheeze* and chicken but we only have Taco *Hysterical laughing*." The Timer rang for both teams to get on the court, "Let's make some pork curry," Kageyama said. "Ham and fricking cheese." Hinata agreed.

"Yeah, this is going to go badly," Daichi said. "Don't worry, I abandoned my dreams long ago," Yamaguchi said. "Oh, I'm sorry, how long ago?" Daichi asked sympathetically, "Depends, how long have I known you?" Yamaguchi asked. And just like that, the match started, and it was a disaster, even though Blitzo described Black-Ball as being simple it sure was difficult to execute the maneuver of being a stabber

Being a stabber was a lot like being a spiker, except you also had a throwing knife to toss over the net when you spiked, Tsukishima then had a knife lodged into his hip for the remainder of the game. Additionally, there was another position of traveler who was basically immune to any rules involving reaching under the net.

Since Tsukishima had the knife in his side he wasn't able to hit the ball back over the net and accidentally allowed the other team to take the first point. then the announcer said something a little strange "alright Hell-hogs the first point has been achieved with relative ease, what additional rule would you like to put into play?" The Hell-hogs smiled smugly the tallest of them stepped forward. 

"We enact, acid rule." Hinata dropped the ball. "Run!!!" Kageyama shouted. As they ran out the door Daichi snagged the opposing team's copy of the Black-Ball rulebook. Once back at their park bench Daichi opened up the rulebook to find the pages containing the additional rules missing. "I can't believe we just quit," Hinta said disappointed.

"That's what you're worried about!!???" Tsukishima said. "I was just violently stabbed." "We need medicine." Daichi said "For what? the knife hasn't been removed yeEEEEE__" Tsukishima said as Daichi yanked out the knife. "I think I saw some plant-like stuff over here." Hinata said pointing to the left of the park bench "Here in this bottle. It's labeled "Hyssop," I think Hyssop might have some medicinal properties."

When they had treated Tsukishimas wounds they all sat down. "There's no way we're going to be able to win this," Yamaguchi said. "Not with our usual strategies. but I might have an idea to better our odds." Everyone turned to him. "If you mean hard work and good training then we're all in," Hinata said.

Yamaguchi looked at the ground. "I might have an idea to... level the playing field." Daichi's face darkened, "If you are going to suggest cheating, Yamaguchi then absolutely positively no, totally out of the question." Yamaguchi was quiet for the rest of the night.

The boys had spent the time talking strategy until it grew to be the darkest point of the day, with Hinata agreeing to keep watch and everyone else drifting off to sleep. Hinata looked up into the hellish sky on the verge of tears. "If we have to fail, at least we will go out together, as a team." Kageyama was lying down facing the opposite direction, eyes completely opened, expression stony, shutting his eyes at Hinata's last word.

To be continued


	3. Chapter 3 Superbowl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rising tensions start to get to Kageyama, and Daichi tried to step up more as a leader, Meanwhile the I.M.P. crew go to the Superbowl..... to kill Tom Brady.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be a shameless ripoff/parody of That Belle from Beauty and the Beast. It took me a while to make so I hope you enjoy.

Hinata woke up to see Kageyama glaring at him "Oh, I fell asleep while I was keeping watch, didn't I? Sorry, it won't happen again." Hinata said with his eyes closed smiling weakly and rubbing the nape of his neck. Kageyama continued to glare for a few minutes and turned away from Hinata without a single word.

"Wow, what a bitch," Tsukishima said with a tired expression, "Well, as long as everyone else is up," Daichi said in an annoyed voice, "my apologies Daichi I fell asleep a the watch last night," Hinata said saluting. Daichi stared at Hinata like he was a crazy person.

Daichi turned his attention to Kageyama. "Can I talk to you for a second?" Kageyama flashed a glare at Hinata and nodded. Daichi led Kageyama over to an area out of shouting distance from the rest of the team. Kageyama calmed down slightly, "I wanted to apologize for lashing out at you yesterday, I was just waking up and I'm just so stressed tomorrow evening those nasty monsters are going to take us up for that big tournament, and I suppose the combination of all of those things was too much." Daichi said.

"I get it," Kageyama responded, "We're both leaders in our own respects, so I definitely understand what you're going through." "I figured you would understand, but that doesn't excuse my anger," Daichi said, Kageyama raised an eyebrow "It's cool man," Daich bowed and rose again. "By the way, why are you so upset at Hinata today," Kageyama put on a straight emotionless face and turned away.

"I would rather not talk about it," Daichi let the matter drop and they both headed back to the park bench to talk strategy. Meanwhile, Moxxie and Millie had just been given a rude awakening by Blitzo who had been laying in their bed fully clothed when Moxxie woke up, Moxxie screamed until he realized it was Blitzo laying there.

"I was figuring we could walk to work today!!" Blitzo said as they were going out the door "It would be so much easier to just take the car." Moxxie said in an exhausted voice "Overruled," Loona said, "I feel fucking, fat enough as it is." When they were walking down the street Blitzo started to get a certain spring in his step, "You know, we're gonna win on Friday."

"If you say so sir," Moxxie said, "That's the spirit Blitzo," Millie said. "You know what Moxxie if you think we're not gonna win then go on right ahead and jinx us you little worm dick trog," Blitzo said with a smug grin. "sir please don't insult me at least until I clock in, and I agree we are most likely going to win but not by our own skill or sense of fair sportsmanship," Moxxie said.

Blitzo stopped walking and stared at Moxxie. "Again with the, we needed to teach them the rules and blah blah blah!!" Blitzo said in a mocking tone, "Sir," Moxxie started. Blitzo put a hand over his mouth, "you know Moxxie we're the best of the worst here, this is the literal worst place, anyone anywhere can land themselves, even though we're the strongest we still belong here in this...Ummm," Blitzo said looking to find the perfect word.

Blitzo smiled and took a breath "Little town it's a chaotic city, no day like the one before, little town full of little Demons, waking up to saaayyyy." Blitzo pointed to some opening windows "A Hore." an imp said Another window on a different building opened up "A Hore" more Demons chimed in "a Hore, a Hore, a Hore!! more Demons sang. 

"Look there she is the girl so ugly, I wonder which building will fell, with a painful reddish look, next thing you know your head's stuck on a hook, so torturous to all of us is Hell!" "why is everyone singing?" Millie asked Blitzo walked in front of her. Oh, isn't it amazing? It's my favorite part because... Horsey, it's where you all die horribly and the survivors discover that I ran my ass to Greed. Look there she is, the girl in drag, and a Raison d'être as well, it's a pity and a sin *Blitzo winked* all of us belong in, this city and an ugly girl, she really is an ugly girl, a burning and an ugly girl... That Hell."

They arrived at the Office building as soon as Blitzo finished singing. "All alright everyone to your stations, I'll be in my office," Blitzo said slamming his door. No sooner than he sat down his phone rang. "Hello, you have reached the I.M.P. Blitzo speaking how may I help you, and if this is Stolas then kindly fuck off,"

"Hello, this is Bruce Charles speaking, I have recently arrived here and I would like to order your services to... off someone," Blitzo took out an official form, "Mm kay let's take care of this real quick so you can see your enemy next to you by days end alright?" Bruce agreed "Ok, good the only information I need is who the target is," Blitzo said.

"Thomas Brady," Bruce responded. "Oh boy that bitch is A-list ain't he, Welp that's gonna cost ya," Blitzo said, trying to contain his excitement. "I don't care he cost me my life, he deserves this and I will do anything it takes to make sure he gets what's coming to him!" Bruce screamed "I don't fucking care, it's gonna be forty thousand dollars, love you, byeee," Blitzo said.

"Team Eminem we're going to the human world to kill Tom Brady," Blitzo said happily "Are you kidding that's ludicrous we can't do that," Moxxie said, "Do it or you don't get paid." Blitzo said Moxxie sighed "Fine," Blitzo grabbed the book and activated the portal to earth. 

They went through the portal, and on the other side was a giant football stadium with people flooding inside. "Where are we?" Millie asked. "James Stadium, the sunshine state," Blitzo answered. "Oh crumbs, I think that the Superbowl is today," Moxxie said.

"Oh really... I just got the best fucking idea," Blitzo said evilly tenting his fingers, "What is it?" Millie asked, "Oh no please don't get him started." Moxxie begged with his hands pressed together." Blitzo "First we're gonna kill him, then we're gonna take his secret football strategies out of his brain, then we're gonna cut him the fuck up and throw his body in the Gatorade cooler. Hahahahhahahahah."

"Unfortunately that's one of your better plans sir," Moxxie said Blitzo pushed him over. "Alright let's go," Millie said cocking her gun. On the way, it became more and more difficult to keep out of sight, and they were forced to kill three people that saw them. "Alrighty, we are not going to get anywhere near the target if we keep this up," Millie said "Agreed!! Therefore we must dawn these cloaks I've got." Blitzo said pulling some black blankets out of his pocket,".

"How long have those been in there?" Moxxie asked, "Nevermind that, no let us disappear into the drunken fuckin' disgrace that is the Superbowl, see, cloak covers all." Blitzo said donning the blanket. "Except for your horns," Moxxie pointed out. "Oh shit!!!!" a random human said as Blitzo grabbed two foam fingers and jammed them onto his horns. "Go Chiefs!!!!!" Blitzo screamed earning an impressive amount of boos from the advancing crowd.

"Ok, then I suggest we split up to cover more ground, we will be able to find the locker room where the Buccaneers coach is giving them a big pep talk, then we'll grab the target as they are walking away to stretch or shower, or do whatever football players do before the Superbowl," Moxxie suggested.

"Good idea team, I'll use my megaphone if I find it first, Moxxie, take my phone to call Millie if you find it first, Mills you know the drill, Break!!!!!" Blitzo said running into the mob of people. Moxxie looked by the Benches, Millie looked underneath the bleachers, and Blitzo looked by the stands.

Blitzo was looking mainly behind the stands to see if the vendors were allowed entrance into the locker room, "Hello there my good sir would you like to buy a corn dog?" A random vendor asked him, "Corn dog? You know don't mind if I do," Blitzo said grabbing the food from him and taking a large bite. "Hmm. *blech* I taste no evidence that this contains either corn or dog, I can have you sued for false advertisement!!!" Blitzo shouted.

"Ok, ok you got me I don't have a license please don't tell the buccaneers manager, they's sponsoring me," The vendor begged, Blitzo smiled, "You know, cuz ya asked nicely I'll put in a good word for you, where would the team be at the moment?" The vendor gave Blitzo very clear instructions on how to get to the locker room.

Millie however was having more trouble, "Hey baby watcha doing behind the bleachers, and more importantly what do you wanna do?" An obviously drunken man asked her. "Umm, I'm looking for the locker room that the Buccaneers are in," Millie said, "Oh I can tell you that baby if you do me a favor, but without the word favor," He said pursing his lips.

"I'm married!" she said turning away from him. He grabbed her, pulling her closer in a kissing motion. Millie couldn't take much more of this and punched him in his face. The man staggered backward "Oh!!! You wanna go bitch!!????" While Millie got into a fistfight Moxxie was scanning the benches for any sign that Tom Brady could've been there.

"Hey, there little man," An official-looking woman said. "Hey, would you happen to know where the Buccaneers are?" Moxxie asked "No and I'm going to have to ask you to go have a seat, the game is about to begin."Well, ma'am, I'm afraid I cannot do that, because... oh crumbs." Moxxie tried to say while tripping over his cloak accidentally pulling it straight off.

"Oh, dear." The woman said covering her mouth with a hand, "Wait before you say anything I'm... umm." Moxxie started. The woman silenced him "I didn't realize you were," "Oh shit, oh crumbs," Moxxie said trembling. "The new mascot," The woman said excitedly. Moxxie breathed a sigh of relief.

"Oh yes, ma'am I am the new mascot, Moxxie the... Red skin?" "The Red Skins are already a team." The woman said, unimpressed "Listen, lady if it's not broken don't fix it." Moxxie said confidently "Well have fun firing the old mascot," she said, walking away. Moxxie gulped and turned around to continue his search, only to be met with the Buccaneers mascot himself, Captain Fear.

"What the hell did that Gwyneth Paltrow-looking bitch just say!!!????" Captain Fear screamed, "*sigh* Listen man, I'm not your replacement, I'm just a..... mascot enthusiast, yes and I'm looking for the team right now, do you happen to know where they are?" Moxxie said

The mascot calmed down after this and calmly told Moxxie that he didn't know where the team was. Moxxie thanked him and continued his search. While Blitzo had finally located Tom Brady, he waited patiently until the coach finished his speech and ordered the team to go to the bathroom and warm up until the game started.

Tom Brady split off from the group to Blitzo's delight, "Hey there big boy, you wanna go to a bank?" Blitzo asked in a falsetto voice. "Why would I go to a bank?" Tom Brady asked, Blitzo started rubbing his shoulders, "To get your quarter, back, silly," Tom Brady laughed raucously. and wiped his eyes saying. "I don't get it," 

"Just come on," Blitzo said dropping the falsetto. Blitzo walked out the backway under the bleachers, an ivory pistol in his pocket "Hey Tom, listen over there, I think I hear something," Tom Brady tilted his head "I don't hear anything," "Keep listening," Blitzo said loading his pistol.

Blitzo pointed it at the back of his head, Tom Brady turned around and Blitzo fired. Unfortunately, Blitzo missed "Shit!!!" Tom Brady put on a mortified face "Security!!!!! Help me, I'm being kidnapped!!!" He screamed flailing his arms, Blitzo began internally panicking, until he saw Millie fighting a drunken man.

"Wait, Tom, I was just trying to protect you from those drunken brawlers," Blitzo said apologetically. Tom Brady bought this and settled down "You saved my life, how can I ever thank you?" Blitzo raised a finger to respond, but Millie's fight knocked all four of them into a wall that fell apart, causing them to fall down a flight of stairs into a big room filled with advertising slogan stickers.

"The fuck is this place?" Blitzo asked, shooting the man that Millie was fighting. "This is the stage that the boss rigged for the halftime show, come halftime the whole stage will raise from under the field, and the mascot will dance on the stage planting subliminal messages in peoples heads and stuff." Tom Brady explained.

Just above the stage, Moxxie was being forced to stand in the middle of the football field to warm up the fans for when the teams came out. Captain Fear naturally stormed off. Moxxie stood there being watched by the millions of eyes in the bleachers, not knowing in the slightest what to say.

He was surprised when he felt a hand grab his leg and pull him beneath the grass. "Well folks, it appears the new Buccaneers mascot has vanished into thin air." the announcer said. Moxxie was relieved to find that it was just Blitzo and Millie on a heavily decorated stage "Sir what are you? Wait a second is that the target?!!" Moxxie parroted excitedly, Blitzo nodded "Fantastic," Moxxie said pulling a grenade out of his pocket. "Hold on a minute there Mox, he's mine, and I know exactly how to do this," Blitzo said.

"And yeah Tommy boy, I was trying to kill ya," Blitzo said grabbing a knife and decapitating Tom Brady, he signaled over to Moxxie to pull the lever to raise the stage. Throwing a cloak to Millie as the stage rose, Blitzo jumped off the stage kicking Tom Brady's head over the Football goal. "I'm so fucking funny!!!!" He screamed flourishing his cloak over the three of them and disappearing from sight.

They emerged in the I.M.P. office with Blitzo cackling wildly, dangling Tom Brady's brain by its stem. "Wow that was weird," Moxxie said rubbing the side of his head, "Yeah, but Blitzo now that we've got the brain... How are we gonna take Tom Bradys Football secrets out of it? Wouldn't it have made more sense to have him tell you them while he was still alive?" Millie asked.

Blitzo's smile slowly diminished to a frown as he gradually came to this realization. Moxxie facepalmed and shook his head, Millie looked very regretful for saying this, and Stolas entered the room just as Blitzo screamed shaking all of Imp City "Fuuuuuuuuuuuuucccckkkkk!!!!!"

To be continued.


End file.
